Exhaustion at its Highest

I don't know what it is with me lately, but I'm finding that my drive for a lot of things... work, health, sleep, just daily living are at an all time low.  I get up, (never early enough I might add), always in a rush for everything, which leaves me running behind.  My life is a series of keeping up.  Keeping up with the daily grind...keeping up with just making it through each day.  I'm in deep pursuit, or at least i want to be, to find my motivation.  It's totally skipped town.  I know what i need to do to keep my health in check and improve my well being, but every day I repeat the same routine of sugar consumption to spike my insulin levels so that I can wake up in the morning and get the ball moving with work and just making it to 5 o'clock.

Never am I eating a healthy breakfast or lunch for that matter.  It's usually whatever is in my nearest reach or is cheap enough to get out of the vending machine.  By the time I get home, i'm still exhausted and the second my feet hit the floor after I walk in the door, it's mommy mode in overdrive.  Everything is and has to be about Donovan.  And that's perfectly fine with me.  The ONLY joy I find right now IS Donovan and JD.  But I need to find myself again.  I want to care about me again.  I blame this partly on the PPD, but I know a big part of this mess is due to my lack of....I'll let you fill in the blank on the last part of that sentence.  It really is a lack of everything right now.

Somehow, deep in my mind, I suppose that whoever is reading my blog is enough for me to have a sense of accountability.  If I could get in a habit of posting every day, which is typically just journaling, I think I'd be more likely to follow through.  So my promise to myself as of today is to make some goals (attainable goals within a short span of time...not just for instance "lose weight", but "lose 5 lbs by specific time frame") to try and reach so that I have something to work towards.  I will try to blog daily on them so I can stay aware of the areas that I am lacking and the areas, hopefully, I am exceeding.

A few things that are a must that I need to incorporate:

• Earlier bed time (11:30 and beyond is just not helping)
• Multivitamin ( I think I need this)
• Preparing my food for the next day ( this is always a tough one...so i'm going to try my best).

Wishing you all a happy & healthy week (or what's left of it),
Jenny