The Clouds Keep Rolling Through...

I generally don't like to complain.  I've been around far too many people that do nothing BUT complain or always live on the negative side of life.  This can be draining, even if you aren't the one with that outlook, and it always brings those involved down with you or who end up being around the negative person.  I like to surround myself with positivity....people who strive for happiness, that find the positive in things no matter how bad they may be for these individuals.  It just makes life more pleasant having "These" people in your life.

It wasn't until I had Donovan that I had a complete shift in my life.  No, I'm not talking about the normal strains of motherhood (the sleepless nights, the constant attention to everyone but yourself)....I'm talking about Depression.  I can't stand that word.  After I had Donovan, I cried, and cried, and cried.  I thought this was normal with the lack of sleep, being a new mother trying to figure everything out.  However, I was reassured it's not NORMAL.  What is "normal" anyway??  So after several weeks being an emotional mess, i took myself to my gyno and explained my situation.  She only wanted to know why i hadn't been in sooner for these symptoms. 

Fast fwd to today, 6.5 months later....I still struggle with post partum depression.  It's like an annoying reoccurence that rears its ugly head, and never at the right times.  Is there ever a good time to deal with a low mood???  Not really.  I find that most days i'm about par.  Not really feeling my best but making it.  No energy, no motivation, no focus....just a dark cloud that lingers until it decides to pass. 

Dealing with PPD is also very lonely.  You already feel looney enough as it is that your hormones and emotions are all out of wack, but having those around you that may not understand your circumstances makes things no better.  I'm not asking for sympathy....just understanding.  I know of no other friends or mothers that have dealt with PPD, or at least those that are brave enough to talk about it. 

I love my son with all of my heart and hope that as the time passes my hormones find their way back to NORMAL.  I pray for the day that i shift back to my old self.  For now, trying to just keep up with it all (being a good employee, doing my duties as a wife and mother while trying to remember to take time for myself). 

For those of you reading that may be dealing with similar circumstances, know you aren't alone.  Praying for brighter days.