Waiting for an Epiphany

This is just me babbling my thoughts....(for those of you who decide to read)

Have you ever been in a "funk" before? Lately, I can't seem to reach a feeling of happiness. Ultimately, I have every reason to be happy: I have my health, a wonderful husband, a nice home, a good job, family and friends, but for some odd reason, I feel incomplete if that makes any sense! Life, could by far be worse than the hand I've been dealt, so it makes no sense to me why i battle this constant mundane feeling.

I worry most of the time about JD's health. The progression of his illness has made a slight impact on our ability to go out and do normal things, but overall I could be happy as long as I'm with him and he's comfortable. I know that people often ask God, "why does this have to happen to me", and I know it's because God has a purpose for everything that he allows to happen in our lives. I suppose mostly my struggle is being obedient to his will and trusting in him.

God has brought me through some pretty rough times in the past, so I know he's able, but fighting the urges of the flesh (to take care of things on our own and thinking that things lie all on our shoulders) is just human nature that I constantly battle. This always causes me to worry about my future and what lies ahead for me..."will I or won't I have...? Material things aren't so much an issue of desire, but more like stability of health (for my husband), security(will I or won't I be able to do this all on my own if his illness becomes severe), and the constant fear of lonliess. I guess it would be nice to know what his will is for each of our lives, so that we feel a sense of purpose and control...for me, I'm still waiting for my epiphany.